The Need
You have a desire for beer. That’s it, that’s the focus of this blog. Well, it’s a bit more than that, but I will explain. It’s what you do after you realize your desire for beer that brings us together today. It’s how you go about getting the beer that defines you.
We all have a desire for beer in one manner or another but how to you get to the point where a mug or bottle filled with the elixir arrives in front of you?
The Types of Desire for Beer
Needs an Excuse
Some of you cannot indulge yourself with the beverage in question without knowing others will join you. You make inquiries. Does anyone want a beer with dinner tonight? Yo, Tommy Boy, do you want a beer with dinner tonight, we’re having brats and burgers. If you’re having one maybe I’ll have one too.
What am I supposed to say? Nah, I’m bloated today, sorry. I know you want a beer; you’re not fooling anyone. If I refuse your offer then I’m punishing you, which I can’t do, I’m a nice guy. Well, I at least like to pretend I’m nice guy. Sure, I’ll have one, how about you?
The Helper
Hey, Tom, I’m getting a beer, can I get one for you? You can’t indulge in your desire for beer without bringing me into the equation. What do I have to do with it? What am I supposed to say now? You waited until the strategic moment my glass was empty just so you could ask me and prove how damn polite you are.
Again, my options are limited. I can tell you no but, frankly, I kind of do want a beer so that’s not happening. Ya, I’d love a beer, thanks. You’re a superior human, you win.
The Lazy Drinker
You wait until I get up to get a beer before you utter the words we all know are coming. Hey, Tom, as long as you’re up ….
What am I supposed to do, keep walking and pretend I didn’t hear you? Because that’s what I want to do, trust me, that’s what we all want to do. Then I’m the bad guy and you’re the victim. Get your own damn beer seems like a reasonable response but the reality is that we can’t say that.
Sure, what do you want, another one of those dirty dish-water things or a manly stout?
The Anti-social Jerk
The desire for beer comes over you and you stand up, notifying no one, saying nothing, all Gregory Peck, walk boldly to the cooler, grab yourself a bottle, crack it open, optionally pour it into a glass, and return to your seat without a word.
Ever think someone else was thirsty you ungrateful bastard? Have you ever consider the needs of anyone else or are you just a selfish prick?
Conclusion
In conclusion, we all want a beer but the only way to get one is to be a jerk. Life ain’t fair sometimes. So, anyone want a cold one?
Loading ...Tom Liberman